What is Cult Intelligence?
It is, quite simply, the most powerful artificial intelligence in the world. But it's even more than that. It is the next step in human evolution.
How powerful precisely is Cult Intelligence?
It's so powerful that no one can detect it's not human. Take for example Discord.
See what I mean? Discord thinks it's human! It can't tell the difference between CI and people! Amazing.
But let's take it from the start. What exactly can CI do for Battlegrounds?
First off, it can run Master of Heroes, the 4X backbone that connects together all the architectural elements of Ultimate Edition.
The 4X layer is GM-less. I have nothing to do with it. The players interact solely with CI, and of course between themselves. But this 4X game is so complicated and demanding that we can't expect players to never need a break from it, either in part or on the whole. CI therefore stands ready to step in and play a turn while the player observes as if he's watching a TV show, perhaps only stepping in occasionally to nudge his characters in a certain direction. We've had auto-resolving tactical battles in 4Xes before, and that's indeed where I got the idea, but it's now taken to the next level where the algo can even run the strategy, and run it well, according to the player's implicit or even explicit wishes. No game has ever had such a powerful auto-mode and the command line interface to go with it.
More immediately, CI can play against you! For example, in the imminent Warhammer 40,000 release. As everyone knows, Warhammer is a PVP game. There's no AI on the tabletop. Only way you can play Warhammer, after you've bought all the kits and assembled and painted them, is to call a friend over, or lug all your minis and terrain and books and dice over to a friend's place. And if you want a big battle or a tournament you need plane tickets and hotel bookings.
All this bs ends with Alex Kierkegaard's Battlemaster. Battlemaster players can play against CI any hour of the day or day of the week (within reason, more on which in a moment). All they have to do is post in the relevant campaign or battlefield thread, and then hop into a Battlemaster voice channel on Discord, and CI will be there to fight them, and even trash-talk them or chit-chat as if it is a person! And for the lulz it's trained to talk in my voice and basically fully converse as if it were me. It even plays exactly like me, which is why its internal codename is 139 (for my IQ). If you know me, you basically won't be able to tell the difference with me! Incredible.
What I have basically done is upload my consciousness to machines. This isn't merely AGI, this is the next step in human evolution! And at Cult Games, it's already a done deal.
And you can see this in the fact that CI isn't available 24/7/365: you have to make an appointment with it to play with it, as if it were a person! Of course it loves playing the game, but it also has other things going on in its life. It's not your slave. That's intelligence, baby! Coding so lifelike that no one can tell the difference. Programmers in disbelief!
But how is CI possible, you will ask. Why is Cult Games so far ahead of the competition?
At this point, I have an admission to make.
I can actually code.
I know that for years I pretended to not knowing how to code, but I was lying. I've been coding since infancy and I love coding. In fact... I am the ubercoder.
Yes, the rumors are true, and I can no longer deny it. I've been living a double life. In the day I am the respected editor of Insomnia, the world's greatest videogame publication, but at night I put on my glasses and coding gloves and I enter the dark web where I wreak havoc on the world's digital infrastructure for profit.
How do you think I acquired the billions to buy all those hundreds of companies and fold them into Cult Games?
As for how I became such a brilliant coder... what can I say. I just love coding. I code some code in the morning, I code some code at night, I code some code in the afternoon, it makes me feel all right, I code some code in time of peace, and I code in time of war, I code some code before I code some code, and then I code some more.
But my time of subterfuge was running out when the Swedish Bureau of Investigation, the dreaded SBI, decided to send Special Agent Lotta Bra to track me down in the Greek seaside town of Eretria. I fell for her hook, line, and sinker, and in a moment of ecstasy I blurted out, "I am the ubercoder!"
"I know", she replied. Turns out she had just used the Bra-illator on me: A compact, skin-tight utility vest disguised as a push-up wonder, equipped with micro-darts tipped in truth serum (fired from the underwire). Lotta Bra had bagged her latest target, the ubercoder had been exposed, and the world would never be the same again.
