default header

Submissions

[PC] [360] [PS3] Far Cry 2

Moderator: JC Denton

[PC] [360] [PS3] Far Cry 2

Unread postby Nervicide » 20 Apr 2009 00:17

It doesn't take much to see that my lengthy post in the Far Cry 2 thread was simply put... a goddamn eyesore. I took the liberty of chopping up a big chunk of it and throw it here.

I left the post in that thread in such a way that Worm's reply still makes sense. I will be far more careful with my posting from now on (icy is probably damn tired with editing my retarded shit and I'm just putting his patience to the test by now) and also, I will never allow myself to do such radical restructuring ever again.

I also made some tweaks, so here's the blasted thing...



FarCry2 is a good example of singleplayer xboxification, everything about FarCry that was bitchin' was pussyfied this time around. Simple stuff like going prone just can't be done, all you can do is the midget walk we're so familiar with from counter strike, hippity-waggling your way through elephant grass in order to hit that fucker right "in the name of the father".

And that's pretty retarded to do also, since sniper rifles have an un-controllable zoom. No focus. You zoom, and that's it, can't zoom out, can't zoom in, no zoom-zoom, boom. Why? Because the xtard controller has no scroll, no doubt. Would it have been so hard to code a few extra lines and give us zoomie-zoom in the PC version? How can you not have a zoomie function?! Madness. Oh and the only mutants you'll encounter around this time are white africans, HA!

So you find yourself in this jeep with a black "hey man, I'm the all-knowing cabbie, check out the mad setting I'm gonna' lay for you in this opening, oh wait there's Hunta fleeing with his family - habule'bule *clap* *clip* - So where were we? Oh yeah shit hit the fan, lol." type of character that smoothly sets the backdrop for your upcoming safari. Decent intro pseudo-cinematic, but by now you hope we'd get over the monorail from HL1 for fuck's sake, it's been a decade, srsly diudz.

Anyway, by the end of the ride, you've got malaria. Cool. And this is what the game does best. Far Cry 2 is by far the world's best first person malaria simulator, bar none. You wake up infested with the microbe only to see your target, Canis Aureus, hovering above you talking shit and being merciful on your sorry ass; screen fades out, you wake up. The game begins.

Two factions are tearing up the scenery and you're smackass in the middle of it. Well, gamers everywhere thought these factions would be engaged in a "macro-war" type thing, and the way you act will shift the tides of battle favoring one or the other, all leading to this sort of living breathing game world. ROFLDARFUR ARE YOU FO' REAL DAWG?
How gullible must one be to believe such laser shooting pies in the skies in this day and age and from these kind of people? Have you not learned about listening to the disco lies of Ubi and its ilk? i.e. don't? All the more seasoned in bullshit were hoping for was at least a solid open world first person shooter, even one in which you rough it against a whole continent.

And what open world? Driving cars down fucking corridors? The inner map is like travelling on the threads of a spider's web, having the ability to choose what thread to glide on when encountering a junction. There is not much difference between driving a car or one of those shitty dinghies down the river. The outer savanna-type areas are the best ones though, actually allowing some freedom, plus they give you this awesome warm-breeze-in-the-face feel.

About the cars themselves... well you know what would have made them uh-mazing? A damage control system like the one found in Screamer 4x4. Meaning, a car that realistically breaks down and requires to be navigated with a bit more care around the landscape. Show a wheel flying off now and then, make the car break up to a point where it cannot be repaired, in a believable way depending on what and how I hit it; don't make a car unusable just when I blow it to smithereens.
As the game is, there is no consequence, you fuck up your car, no prob, magic wrench do your thing! fixed in a jiffy and ready to roll ol' jeep o' mine. Oh want endless adventures we're off to. Devs should have made the player cringe at the fact that he has to walk up to his objective, made him give a fuck or two about his driving.

The control itself is responsive, the car interiors (thankfully, all equipped with mandatory GPS systems) are created with care and look great, if the driver's feet would actually move on the pedals and right hand would shift gears now and then it would have been even better, although this is a pretty much insignificant detail as you yourself can't shift gears. But it's really the car physics that is of meh quality, just give the car a more feely suspension, a bit of bounce and throw around, shake the player's head left and right, like in Screamer 4times4.

Make it seem like a real vehicle not an over sized matchbox jeep, you know, the kind you press down with your thumb to see it's lights flicker. The Warthog jeep from Halo, as indestructible and sci-fi as it was, gives a far more satisfying feel of acceleration, drifting, suspension, etc...

Another great improvement would have been the ability to whip out your pistol Interstate '76 style and shoot from the driver's seat. You want to do some serious damage, you slap yourself behind the turret, but when getting rid of all those annoying motherfuckers in technicals, a handgun to snuff opposing drivers would have been great. Speaking of which...

The second you enter the bush you'll find yourself with junglebunnies so up your ass one would think you're delivering a load of frozen yoghurt or some shit. You can mow them down, but don't worry, they'll be back sooner than you can say *cla'clop* ready to bug you; really, it's as if more fall from the trees like fucking orangutans as soon as you leave the area. I'm all up for a challenge but this is simply an inconvenience, kind of like mosquitoes buzzing around you. Worst thing is these shitty little encampments are strung all over the place like a bad case of scabies.

No matter who you pick up missions for, all the militia around the map will hunt you down, the factions are in a truce you see... so everyone just chills, waiting for that dude in the yoghurt truck to drive by and give them some sense of purpose.

The objectives vary from snuffing local grape juice barons to burning down the other guy's mayo reserves. Every time you get a mission and it's set of instructions, your fuckbuddy will give you a ring and inform you there's an even more retarded way to go about your objective, which will end up making him some cashmolians. By completing the missions the retard-way, you'll get some stuff in your safehouse, like a medbox, a better jeep, more storage space for your guns, etc. Y'know... the kind of stuff that should have been there already.

Well as far as your arsenal goes you can have three weapons with you, a slot for one considered heavy ( mg's, missile launchers and the like) one for your primary (shotguns and rifles) and one for your secondary ( pistols, small machine guns, m1 grenader, etc)... I usually roamed around with a Dragunov, Uzi and the very useful M1 nader. You can also buy various ammo straps for your guns, you can even upgrade the amount of syrettes you carry.

Weapons are really well modeled and the crap-out animations are great. And they do give signs before going completely lego on your ass, they'll jam more and more, and that's when you know it's high time you get rid of them. If you play with the golden AK, that's not an issue though, you can find it here and there, not hard to stumble upon. It's a pretty cool reference to Lord of War...

The buddies you will encounter in various areas around the map, in missions or simply by chance. They really don't count for shit, they can't literally assist you in missions. You can tell one of these retards to "hang around you" before a mission, and check this out... they don't really hang around. They probably just follow you from high above with the eyes of a hawk, and when you get fucked up in combat they'll swoop down and get you to safety, fire a couple of potshots at your oppressors, and that's about it.

You can't tell them to do shit, Barney's behavior in HL1 was more advanced for fuck's sake. For the console player they're like an extra-shot at life, but in PC-land where we've got not only saves, but the quick kind of saves, they're simply useless. Speaking of saves, they could be taken out entirely, that way the vigilance required from the player would also increase and would work perfectly with the Screamer vehicle system.

All in all, you collect your telebuddies 'till the end of the game like fucking digimon and stuff them in bars for safe keeping, oh but little do you know what will happen mid-game... and even littler do you know about the end-game, where you'll be faced with this shamalamayan what'a'twizt that will blow your flem right up your flaring nostrils and down your throat.

Compared to your chums, the multicultural benetton-add enemies you'll mow through have pretty decent behavior now and then, completely autistic at other times. Usually they just balance themselves somewhere in the middle. You'll see enemies simply freeze pretty often, or firing at you with their back literally turned, or running in a completely different direction shooting forwards with magic bullets that still find their way towards you. Some mean bionic shit going on no doubt...

At one point I actually saw a douche run himself over, he parked his car at an angle, got out, tried to come after me, and the car just nudged itself slightly into him... insta'death, bitch. Lol. Anyway, these shitheads wouldn't hold up a candle to what you see in Warhead, on easy difficulty.

Yeah... and the only places you'll find civilians is in various safe houses (not yours) where they wait for your kind soul to bring them passports, they give you malaria meds in return, which you scarf down when the screen gets all fudgy. When you're out, you have to do one of these completely out of your way errands again, over and over. Sheesh. Malaria ain't easy.

And that piece of mind, dear children, is basically the only thing worth taking away from this game...

Clear Sky takes a jab at faction warfare better than its predecessor Shadow of Chernobyl, showing you even stats about who your fighting for and against. Thing is, it doesn't go all the way, you can never really kill the bandits for example, there will always be an assault of garbage hoarders the second you enter an area you just cleansed of their filth, pretty annoying to say the least. But a far better game than what we're dealing with here.


Feel free to tear the thing apart with no remorse everyone. The biggest mistake I think is the fact that I'm concentrating too much on what I'd like to see from the game, instead of what the bastard gives me...
Nervicide
 
Joined: 08 Mar 2009 11:43

Re: [PC] [X360] [PS3] Far Cry 2

Unread postby icycalm » 20 Apr 2009 01:09

Nervicide wrote:I took the liberty of chopping up a big chunk of it and throw it here.


Do not do this ever again. You are just creating work for me. Now I have to go back to that fucking thread, read your edited fucking reply, then read Worm's reply, try to decide if they make sense, because if they don't I have to delete all of them, and everything that followed that relies on it.

In short, you have wasted at least 10-15 minutes of my day -- instead of just leaving it as it was and simply re-posting it here and making your edits as appropriate.

So yeah, thanks for wasting 15 minutes of my day. Next time I'll show you my gratitude by just banning you.



As for the review. Terrible, terrible structure -- or complete lack of structure, to be more precise. You start out by going immediately into details, one detail following on another, with no attempt to create a coherent commentary of some kind. You are simply listing random points as they come to you, then peppering them with as many (and as long-winded) joke expressions as you can, in some sort of a pathetic attempt at coolness, Action Button-stylee. Every other sentence ends with ellipsis (the three dots "..."), which is a classical symptom of retardation, and very annoying to the reader (I had to clean up at least half a dozen of those from your recent news post).

I mean, it is obvious you put no effort into it, which is quite insulting to the reader who can perceive it, actually, and probably sufficient grounds for me to delete the review, and perhaps even outright ban you from the forum.

MY FORUM IS NOT SOME DUMPING GROUND FOR YOU TO SPEW OUT RANDOM SHIT FROM YOUR ASS, RETARD -- DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?

But since you HAVE contributed several worthwhile posts in the past, I will give you one last chance. Clean up your fucking mess, stop posting like a retarded drunk, spare us your boring and pathetic attempts at coolness, that are evident in every other post of yours, and put some effort into everything you write (including as regards punctuation, capitalization, and proper paragraph separation).

So, last chance.



Also, for the benefit of random visitors, and just in case I have not made this 100% clear yet, this review fucking sucks and is in no way representative of the people who read this website or those who contribute to this forum. This moron's an exception, and perhaps only a short-lived one.
User avatar
icycalm
Hyperborean
 
Joined: 28 Mar 2006 00:08
Location: Tenerife, Canary Islands


Return to Submissions

cron