Introducing the "Indie" Scene

The counterfeiters must not be allowed free reign.

Jean Baudrillard, The Conspiracy of Art

 

Utterly unintelligible chaos that's worth experiencing to realize the sheer ignorance and tastelessness that the entire "indie" scene is wallowing in.

 

It achieves perfectly what it has set out to achieve. Too bad what it has set out to achieve is stupid.

 

Worst game I played all year.

 

Were the setting and story "grounded", compared to the typical game, as has been abundantly claimed? Sure they were. Only becoming ungrounded for a while is precisely the reason we play games in the first place.

 

"Indie" newcomer Hitbox Team takes inspiration from speedrunners to deliver a platformer, not merely subverted by autism, but specifically built for it.

 

Hotline Miami is the Super Meat Boy of overhead action games, with the same quicksave checkpoint pacing, except not as offensive aesthetically.

 

Survival Horror gets the "indie" treatment. (I.e. survival is automatic and there's no horror.)

 

Let's get the allegations of "innovation" and "originality" out of the way first.

 

Repetitive, boring, and hideous. A rubbish Flash game wrapped in edgy novelty.

 

Bastion would be perfectly adorable as one of those free-to-play browser games that bored housewives and 8-year-old children seem to be so fond of these days.

 

Ah, Limbo. It has been called this year's Braid; a masterpiece; perfect, even. Let's have a look-see, shall we?

 

Super Meat Boy is a game made entirely for our "modern" generation, the generation which has only played old games on emulators using savestates, infinite continues, and hq4x filters.

 

What the bums are basically doing, then, is taking and clumsily remaking old-style games, all the while grafting on to them all the worst deficiencies of modern ones...

 

In short: Canabalt is Russian roulette, remade into a Flash game.

 

Machinarium is at first glance promising.

 

Flower makes for an excellent case-study of the diabolically cunning tactics of the "indie" bums...

 

Wherein contemporary subhumanity discovers, with some amazement, that computers can also be used for other things besides playing games.

 

And that's how Meat Boy plays: whatever is not retardedly easy is basically a crap shoot, which you try, fail, repeat and rinse until you've "made" it, at which point the game autosaves and you are on to the next asinine little "challenge".

 

Let's start out by exploding a myth about this game: Spelunky is in no way, shape or form a "roguelike".

 

... is what happens when moderately talented developers imbibe the artfag movement.

 

And so we finally arrive at Braid: the most critically and commercially successful "indie" game ever...

 

If Knytt stinks because of lack of substance, then Knytt Stories freaking reeks because of the enormous amount of bullshit it contains.

 

Here's a game that's basically just one long walk across a landscape that looks like it was made with MS Paint.

 

Some people call it a masterpiece. I wonder if these people would say the same after playing Mary Kate and Ashley: Winner's Circle for the Game Boy Color.

 

The Darlings of "Independent" Game Development: Exhibit #2.

 

Seiklus is apparently the game where it all began; the first "indie" game.

Insomnia Presents

An ongoing study into the Archaeology of a Lie

 

Typical "Indie" Gamer

 

Pending Reviews

Luftrausers (2014)
Nidhogg (2014)
Kentucky Route Zero (2013)
Fez (2012)
Skullgirls (2012)
Terraria (2011)
Iji (2008)
Aquaria (2007)
Everyday Shooter (2007)
Darwinia (2005)
Alien Hominid (2004)

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Background Reading

The Myth of Independence
On "Indies" and "Dependies" (Or, The "Indie" Game Conundrum)
On the Genealogy of "Art Games": A Polemic
Videogame Art