Theory

[icycalm]

http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=89096

It may not be full price but at USD 39.95 (GBP 19 / EUR 27) - only a fiver cheaper than the 1991 version - I don't think it's too cheeky to expect a little more meat on the bone and a lot more polish.

On the bone? Would that polish have to be applied to the bone?

If anyone is wondering what I am whining about, read this:

http://www.k-1.com/Orwell/index.cgi/wor ... guage.html

[burnsro]

And its using dying metaphors as well. In the creative writing class I just took the professor was also going over these types of things that tend to bring down a work.

----

http://www.ugo.com/channels/games/features/gradiusv/

And this is it. This is Gradius V. It's a seat-of-your-pants side scrolling arcade game that has a deep history to fulfill. And for the most part, it does just that. It's fast, it's intense, and it looks really good. But it's also very short and slightly repetitive.

In reviews my most hated phrase is "it does just that". What does it add to this review? It just takes up space. Delete it and the words have more impact. "it does that" brings down the significance of the sentences surrounding it since it is just used for padding.

And this is it. This is Gradius V. It's a seat-of-your-pants side scrolling arcade game that has a deep history to fulfill. It's fast, it's intense, and it looks really good. But it's also very short and slightly repetitive.

[icycalm]

Normally, it is as you say with the "It does just that" phrase. However, I can think of a set-up in which it could be used to good effect.

Basically, you start listing a whole number of cool things that no one would expect the game in question to do, and then you hit the reader with a "and you know what? Game X does just that." Of course, in the case of Gradius V, everyone who knows anything about videogames knows that Treasure is more than capable of making a worthy Gradius sequel, so the use of the phrase is pointless.

[Molloy]

I've always enjoyed this critique of a NTSC-UK review. Concept used to post up complete drivel like this the whole time and all the fans on the forum would defend the text telling everybody that a review is a review and you can't be disagreeing with it no matter how badly its written.

[NFG]

Molloy, that was a great read. "Jesus' withered cock" indeed. =D

[MAXCHAIN]

So - and here's the twist - I've ended up spending more time this month than anything else playing Game And Watch Gallery 2 on the Game Boy "Color". Except you can shut up sniggering right now, because G&WG2 is, in fact, a work of not inconsiderable genius.

G&WG2 is not not a work of considerable genius.

[icycalm]

You should also be posting links so we can follow up on this stuff for extra lols.

[CosMind]

correction:

You should also be posting links so we cannot not follow up on this stuff for extra lols.

where'd you go to school, dude?

[Flying Omelette]

It's a seat-of-your-pants side scrolling arcade game that has a deep history to fulfill.

This is the most poorly-constructed sentence I've seen in awhile. What does "deep history to fulfill" even mean? How do you "fulfill" history? "A deep history to live up to" may be closer to what they're trying to say. But also, the second part of the sentence has nothing to do with the first half. When I see a description begin with "It's a seat-of-your-pants game", I'm expecting the second part of the sentence to tell us what's so "seat-of-your-pants" about it. The following sentences don't even explain much of anything, and certainly not what this "deep history" the game is fulfilling even is.

It's fast, it's intense, and it looks really good. But it's also very short and slightly repetitive.

Gee, thanks for being specific.

[Sheik_et_Chouette]

Gamespot's review of Planet Puzzle League (a Tetris Attack / Panel de Pon clone for the DS):

However, this leads to an odd flaw in the gameplay. To set up a sweet chain reaction, the screen must be mostly full of blocks. Yet, if the screen is nearly full, you're nearly dead.

That's not an "odd flaw"; that's the entire POINT of the gameplay. To balance the need of having a lot of blocks to prosecute any sort of real offense, and the risk of losing if the pile rises too high.

In the early going you have time to work sweet magic, but as the game accelerates, you're reduced to simply flinging blocks around, praying for random chain reactions.

Umm, not if you're any good, Gamespot. I used to panic when I got in trouble, but one of the "lessons" the harder modes of Pokémon Puzzle League (another Tetris Attack clone) imprinted in me was to keep in control and execute chains and combos with just as much patience when I'm in trouble as when I'm ahead. You stay alive as long as you keep clearing things (which isn't instantaneous, so you have a little time to look for more opportunities), and clearing chains gives you a lot of time.

This creates a perverse sense of guilt every time you do something cool, because like a bee setting up a perfect sting, you're hastening your own demise.

This sentence has nothing to do with the previous sentence.....

[MAXCHAIN]

Anyone who's played that fame for more than 30 minutes has probably figured out that you can set up a short chain or combo to freeze the stack just as it reaches the top of the screen.