Games

[icycalm]

My review:

This game is crap. It basically does for old games (not "retro" -- old) what all those retarded Wii collections do for modern games. I played it for about half an hour (the Japanese version, back when it first came out), and then I thought -- why the hell am I playing these subpar mini-games instead of real, kick-ass old games on a big TV with a decent pad/arcade stick/etc.? For the funny scavenging through fictitious magazines? For the "atmosphere"? For what?

So I threw it away and played some real 2D shooters, racing games, JRPGs, whathaveyou.

Mini-games, lol.

I've played and continue to play, a huge amount of old games. So the idea of a new game, which is kinda like an old game, intrigues me.

This is almost nothing like an old game. We did not have collections of subpar mini-games sewn together with gimmicky atmospheric effects back then. People had common sense back then. Everyone would have simply laughed at it and no one would have bought it. They'd have saved their money for real, full-blown games.

http://forums.insertcredit.com/viewtopi ... 158#288158

[Tain]

I tried making the "why shouldn't I spend my time playing old games instead, especially when I haven't seen nearly enough of them" argument elsewhere and the best I was met with was "I could kind of see these being sold as games at the time."

Looks like my guess was right.

[jiji]

I'm enjoying this, primarily because the games I've played so far in it are often more fun than the games they clone, having benefited from 20 years of hindsight in game design. I sure as hell would rather play Haggle Man than Ninja Jajamaru-kun. The games included aren't mini-games at all, though the short-term challenge goals can be considered to be such. I find the framing device and banter to be clever and enjoyable. This was clearly made by people who love games of this era.

Cosmic Gate is way too easy, though. I cleared it on my first credit in Freeplay mode.

[icycalm]

I am going to link the IC thread again, all of which is worth reading for my comments alone:

http://forums.insertcredit.com/viewtopic.php?t=10292

And here's some more mini-gamers who don't get it:

http://www.gamespite.net/talkingtime/sh ... p?p=403681

I've added another article on my to-write list: "Inside the Mind of the Mini-Gamer". I will explain exactly where the attraction comes from for these people.

[icycalm]

Looks like I am not the only person in the world who thinks this game is rubbish:

http://insomnia.ac/reviews/ds/gamecentercx/

It's nice to see someone else taking apart a shit game. It's such a chore to do this, and yet so necessary for it to be done (for if praise is to have any value, it must come from people who know how to trash, and who do so regularly), so it's nice when the burden can be shared between a number of people.

[KarlCarlson3]

Well that just made me stop caring about the game. I was originally kind of interested in the concept since it seemed clever, but the more I saw while it was being localized, the more skeptical I became of the praise. I guess it's good I passed on buying it.

[LaserGun]

Wow! The review looks awesome. I just have to say it is nice to be able to contribute to this site after learning so much from it.

Sadly, as you have pointed out in another thread, quality titles you would actually sit down and spend a lot of time with are lacking on the DS. I myself, have quite a terrible list of DS games too. Of course I haven't spent much time with them so I find I don't have much to actually write about them (outside of calling them shit, and telling everyone to avoid them at all costs). I must admit it was your posts in the IC thread that actually made me sit up and review this game. The combination of people praising these god awful mini-8-bit Famiclones and this weird atmosphere nonsense was all too nauseating.

Again, I'll just touch on this whole atmosphere nonsense just in case anyone reading my review still doesn't get it. You are not going to experience a certain type of gaming atmosphere from playing 8-bit rip offs or staring at two ugly disproportionate Japanese kids on a 3-inch screen. If you want atmosphere, sit in a darkened room or visit an arcade, or as the case is with this game, go and play some real Famicom games on a nice decently sized screen. That is all there really is to it.

[JoshF]

Nice review, and nice site LaserGun. I tried leaving a comment over there but I don't know if it registered. My mouse is broken so I'm using the tab key about a million times to get around.

[icycalm]

I myself, have quite a terrible list of DS games too. Of course I haven't spent much time with them so I find I don't have much to actually write about them (outside of calling them shit, and telling everyone to avoid them at all costs).

That's why we have one-minute reviews:

http://insomnia.ac/one-minute/ (note the page is borked right now -- but it should give you an idea)

Basically, most games do not deserve more than a paragraph written about them -- if that. So this is the solution.

I must admit it was your posts in the IC thread that actually made me sit up and review this game. The combination of people praising these god awful mini-8-bit Famiclones and this weird atmosphere nonsense was all too nauseating.

This is the thing. So even though most games clearly do not deserve more than a couple of sentences written about them, you still end up having to write at least a few long reviews even for worthless games, because human beings are too stupid to understand anything without it being explained to them in excruciating detail. Hence, reviews like these:

http://insomnia.ac/reviews/xbox360/lostodyssey/
http://insomnia.ac/reviews/ds/windyxwindam/
http://insomnia.ac/reviews/wii/furufurupark/
http://insomnia.ac/reviews/ds/finalfant ... nantwings/

etc. etc.

By the way, there's a sequel to this game in the works. So you are now the official Insomnia Game Center CX expert. You must buy (or, preferably, download) the sequel when it hits and tell us all about it.

[icycalm]

You're not going to like how long Guadia Quest challenge 4 is going to take.

http://forums.selectbutton.net/viewtopi ... 267#508267

Note that this is from a thread in an artfag retrohipster forum, where everyone basically loved the game to bits. So, if you love the game, why would you NOT like how long one of the challenges takes? Wouldn't it be best if it lasted for a very long time, since you are enjoying yourself so much?

The hipsters have sometimes sound instincts, which end up clashing with their desire to display their hipsterdom, and/or convince themselves that they are really having a great time. If you pay close attention, you can sometimes catch them in the act, as above.

[A.Wrench]

I think these people are too used to looking at boring crap as things they have to deal with in order to enjoy the parts of games they like. People don't see the challenges in this game as part of the game. They see them as wastes of time that they have to deal with to advance in the game. Like level grinding in Final Fantasy.

I'm not sure if it's playing the game that's important to them. I think what they care about is having played it.