The Zelda Rupee
There is an infinite amount of meaning in the Zelda Rupee. It's meaning and genius cannot be contained in mere words, but this mortal will try anyway. Try and break himself against the impenetrable rock that is the Zelda Rupee. At most, I can say this was a noble sacrifice.
Those who have read my previous essay, "The ramifications for social justice on the placement of tile 1F in the title screen of Duck Hunt" will know well that this is a topic to take with the utmost seriousness. Truly, the information gleaned here is vital to the survival of the human race as a whole.
The first row, one white pixel and one orange pixel, represent the light and darkness of the eternal soul that persists in the hearts and minds of every person on the planet. And believe me when I say we are just getting started delving into the depths of this unparalleled masterpiece.
The next two rows, represent strife and dissonance, as the gulf and number between the pixels widens and creates a sense of definite tension, as if the pixels themselves could split apart at any moment and collapse into nothingness. The agony! The pain and despair! Truly all the world's "Realist" paintings could not hold a candle to the arrangement of these pixels.
The 4th row represents the congruent merging of all the world's races into one harmonious sparkling white destiny of peace, harmony and love. It's mixing of white and orange cannot be described in mere words - one merely needs to look upon it and gaze into it's infinite depths of meaning and resonance in the hearts of all men and women, nay, hearts of all living things that have ever existed! Even though bacteria lack hearts, I am sure even they can appreciate it on some level.
The next seven rows are the seven pillars of infinite justice, spelled out for all to see. If you can't see it, well, I suppose you'd just have to kill yourself out of shame. There is no room in the Zelda Rupee's new utopia of infinite peace, love and justice for nay-sayers.
The next row, a perfect inversion of the 4th row, represents the yin and yang of all creation. Do not be confused for this row's form on the Zelda Cereal box, however, as it was modified and thus was ruined what could have been the perfect breakfast cereal to ever have been created.
Finally, the final rows represent perfect peace and harmony as the orange color floods the pixelscape for a finale of beauty. Please do not ask why it does not have any white pixels, you just don't understand.
And then, we have the Zelda 3 rupees. Ugh! Truly whoever made these understood nothing about the genius of the originals, as they've been stripped of all meaning and look like ugly little blobs of refraction, light and color. They actually almost resemble a real thing, if you look at it the right way. It even has a shadow, of all things! Just disgusting. Obviously, whoever made these abominations will burn in the lowest levels of hell for all eternity. Not to mention, there are three Rupees, instead of just two. And three is just not a good number. I don't like it. Don't ask why, you may inadvertently release some deep childhood trauma I never knew about until now.
But let us forget about this for now, and go back to the Zelda Rupee as a whole work.
When you collect the Zelda Rupee in-game, the sound it makes, could be compared to 10,000 newborn doves crying out for the first time. It also acts as the sound that's made when you make a selection in the menu screen, justifying it's worth as a choice everyone can (and should) make.
There are at least 1,000 more pages to go, so I'll stop here. Needless to say, when it is finished, it will be the greatest message of all time.